Overcoming Perfectionism

Do you find it difficult to accept mistakes or imperfections? Are you overly critical of yourself or frequently compare yourself to others? Do you find you are constantly striving for flawlessness? In this article, we’ll explore perfectionism, what it is and ways to overcome this to lead a more present and balanced life.  

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While it may drive one towards being high achieving, it can create worry, self-doubt, and lead to burnout. Individuals with perfectionism often have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others, leading them to seek seeking perfection in multiple aspect of their lives. This can occur in relationships, careers, physical appearance etc…

What Reinforces Perfectionism?

The difficulty lies in the fact that there are perceived benefits to being perfect. Maybe you’ve been able to gain admission into a prestigious college, land a competitive job role, or receive praise/validation from others because of your efforts. This can often motivate us to continue to engage in these behaviors. Let’s review some other common reinforcers of perfectionism below:

-Parents who excessively praise or criticize based on performance can reinforce the belief that perfection is necessary for love and acceptance.

-Organizations that prioritize productivity and performance metrics

-Cultural norms and expectations that value perfection, success, and external validation  

-Advancements in technology have led to increased connectivity and instant feedback, strengthening the need for validation and approval through likes, comments, and shares

The Downsides of Perfectionism

Perfectionism and Anxiety

Perfectionism can have numerous negative effects on our lives, such as chronic stress and anxiety. The constant pressure to meet impossibly high standards creates a never-ending cycle of worry and self-criticism. This can negatively impact both our physical and mental health, leading to exhaustion and burnout.

Perfectionism in Relationships

Perfectionism can also strain relationships. When we hold ourselves and others to unrealistic expectations, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and resentment. Additionally, perfectionists may struggle with vulnerability and intimacy, fearing that revealing imperfections will result in rejection or failure, which can impact the level of trust within the relationship.

Perfectionism in the Workplace

Related to school or the workplace, perfectionists often feel a need to prove themselves, working long hours, have difficulty setting time boundaries and overextended themselves. Or, they may sacrifice personal time to meet unattainable standards. Furthermore, perfectionists may have difficulty with delegation and collaboration, fearing that others won't complete a task in the “right” way.

Perfectionism and Self-image

And when it comes to self-image, perfectionist may engage in self-criticism, comparing themselves to others on social media. Exposure to seeing others post a “successful” lifestyle can heighten feelings of inadequacy. Individuals may also feel internal pressure to present a particular image of themself online, further exacerbating the negative impact of social comparison.

Acceptance and Self-Compassion

Overcoming perfectionism starts with accepting ourselves as imperfect beings and practicing self-compassion. It is important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes and experiences failures. This is a universal part of being human.

One way to cultivate self-compassion is through positive self-talk. How we speak to ourselves matter. Are we critical and judgmental? Or do we speak to ourselves with kindness, like we would a friend. It is also important to acknowledge your efforts and progress, rather than focusing solely on the end outcome.

Another important aspect of overcoming perfectionism is challenging perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs. Often, our thoughts are driven by inaccurate beliefs about what it means to be perfect. One way to engage differently with these thoughts is to identify the evidence. Is there any evidence to support what I think? How do I know this thought to be true? Is there another perspective to this situation? How likely is the worst-case scenario to actually happen? Remember, challenging these thoughts and beliefs is an ongoing process and takes intentional efforts to notice our thoughts, and replace with more accurate/fact-based statements. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a specific type of therapy that assists with identifying and challenging irrational beliefs, developing coping strategies, and engaging in new behaviors to achieve lasting change.

Another helpful strategy is to identify our mindset around mistakes and failures. One of the key challenges of perfectionism is its tendency to breed a fixed mindset. Individuals trapped in the cycle of perfectionism believe that their worth is contingent upon their achievements and the approval of others. They view mistakes as failures rather than opportunities for growth, leading to a fear of taking risks and trying new things. However, mistakes are an essential part of the human experience, and can provide valuable lessons and information.

Practicing self-care

Embracing imperfection goes hand in hand with practicing self-care and prioritizing your mental health. Perfectionism often takes a toll on our well-being, leading to stress, anxiety, and even depression. By focusing on self-care, you can cultivate a healthier mindset.

Activities such as mindfulness meditation, exercise, and hobbies provide opportunities for relaxation and enjoyment outside of achievement-oriented pursuits. Setting realistic boundaries, prioritizing rest, and practicing self-acceptance can help one cultivate a healthier relationship with themselves and their goals, fostering resilience and overall well-being.

Final thoughts

Embracing imperfection is not about settling; it's about accepting that perfection is an illusion. By exploring the underlying causes of perfectionism, challenging unbalanced thought patterns, and cultivating self-compassion, individuals can overcome perfectionism and anxiety, and embrace a more authentic and fulfilling life.